Post-Breastfeeding Depression

I didn’t become depressed immediately following my daughter’s birth. And I wasn’t depressed in the many months that followed. I thought I was in the clear for PPD, but then all of a sudden I didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning. I was waspish, I felt helpless to control my irritability, and I was angry. Really, really angry. As if I had a rage constantly bubbling beneath the surface and it was all I could do to contain it. The biggest red flag was one weekend when I was being particularly critical of my husband, and then watching my daughter play I began instructing her to play another way because I felt she was playing wrong. I reeled back at myself and I started researching PPD. This is what I found. Continue reading

Recovery

I’d like to reiterate how freaking spectacular it was to have my best friend Amy helping me recover.

I’m sorry if you don’t get this.

I was surprised at how quickly I recovered from my c-section and I believe I owe much of that to Amy’s help. If you need a c-section the biggest advice I can give you is get a caretaker to help you for at least the first two weeks, even if they can only be there during the day. Having a helping hand allowed me to easily abide by my weight restriction, driving restriction, and have a sounding board for all of the bizarre things I was feeling and experiencing. It also gave me time to rest when I was feeling exhausted and all of this made our transition into family life smooth and without much added stress to myself or my husband, Joel.  Continue reading

Delivery

19 in. 7lbs 10oz. Sometime around 7am. Hey cut me some slack, I was in a haze.

As soon as Sisu was whisked away to the measuring table in the corner I encouraged Joel to follow her. I don’t know why I was so intent on him following her. Call it instinct, but I wanted her watched like a hawk. I looked to my left and found the mystery woman had moved to the corner and was looking over the shoulders of the medical personnel administering tests. I suddenly realized she was from the NICU and ensuring that my baby didn’t have any complications. She never jumped into action, thank God.  I vaguely remember being told that a few different tests went well, but honestly those results just wash over you unless they’re bad news.

Joel was invited to hold Sisu. He came back with her, bundled in a blanket with her eyes wide open. Big grey baby eyes, barely conscious, but with such a strong spark of life in her. She looked just like Joel.

After I was done being sewn up, glued up, and wiped down we were told we would be transferred back to our labor room for about an hour before being transferred to the maternal care unit. Nurses gathered round and heaved me onto the gurney with a sheet. Joel followed with Sisu in arms. Continue reading