Weeks 16 & 17 Wrap-Up

Okay, Okay, call me lazy bones. I didn’t skip the week 16 wrap up because there was nothing to report, but because I’ve been busy keeping up with work, commuting, condo paperwork, digging trenches, shooting movies, et cetera. No big deal, right? So I decided to combine weeks 16 and 17.

Things people say. Okay, so you read on all the pregnancy blogs and in all the books about the stupid dren that just rolls out of people’s mouths when they’re drooling over the fact that they’re actually in the presence of a pregnant woman. I think Pregnant Chicken described it best, suggesting that joining the pregnancy hoopla is like being part of a club or secret society. Everyone wants in so they share their pregnancy experiences or opinions with you, completely uninvited. Here are a few fun phrases I’ve experienced:

“My >insert distant relative here< just had a baby. Let me share the dull (and/or horrific) details.” Unfortunately this happens most often at work, so I can’t just buzz people off with an “I’m terribly sorry for my impertinence, but I simply don’t care.” One of these days it will roll out of my mouth like the rambling nothing rolls out of theirs.

“You don’t even look pregnant!” This is always said with great surprise and exclamation, and always by a woman. Men just seem to have some sixth sense that knows better. I’m not sure what “looking pregnant” is short of a basket-ball for a belly, but I’ve gained 20+ pounds since conception, so I hope to God I look pregnant and not fat. Really, every time I hear this I mentally translate it to “wow I just thought you were chubby!” Don’t say this, ladies. Ever.

“How do you feel?” Everyone asks when you’re pregnant. Everyone. Constantly. I find this is often followed up by “Have you had any nausea/morning sickness?” to which I mentally reply, No, but I haven’t had a good poo in days. The thing is, no one actually wants to know how you feel. No one wants to know about your bowel movements or that you’re painfully suppressing pregnancy gas for their sake while the conversation drags on. They don’t want to know about how your leg kicked you awake at three in the morning and thank God because you really needed to pee and were sleeping on your back again, or about how your heartburn makes you want to release the fire of your stomach acid on small fluffy animals. They just want to be in the club.

I believe that sums up what irks me most about these comments and questions: they are most often insincere. I don’t really mind people sharing their pregnancy stories, or even their distant relative’s pregnancy stories, because each one is unique and interesting. Often times when someone takes the time to share a pregnancy tale with me it has a gem in it to consider, like an opinion on labor drugs or a new way to keep my feet from swelling. But what really jabs at me is when people put on the facade of caring about my wellbeing only to rabbit on about their personal life. That is when I cease to care.

Heh. Rabbiting on. Get it?

Heartburn. Yes, it has begun. Something compelled me to have Italian food directly before bed and that spurred a few days of heartburn while I convinced myself it would just go away. It did not just go away, so I got myself some tums. Lo and behold they did quell the fire that raged within my stomach and I did sleep again. . . until I had to pee.

Fatigue. Although I am not in a constant mood for hibernation as I was during my first trimester, I find myself getting rather sleepy daily and requiring a nap around mid day. I jokingly wonder to myself if this is preparation for the baby to get it used to napping. Then I remind myself that’s silly, the kid won’t have a proper sleep schedule for some time. I look like this when I think that:

Hah. Baby. Sleep. Oh you.

Balance. I’m starting to lose my balance semi-regularly, and occasionally when I’m doing nothing at all. I’m confident it’s linked to the clumsiness side of pregnancy and not an issue with my center of gravity shifting. Even so, it’s really wild to realize you’re suddenly acting tipsy when you were passing off just fine as a normal human being moments before.

Move-It Move-It. So they told me I wouldn’t feel baby move til late in trimester two, and it started kicking the same night. Remember that story? I still feel fluttery kicks every couple of days or so, and now added to the mix is the mysterious “ouch what was that?” Not yet severe enough to be the notorious “lightning crotch,” but still, yeowch. Sometimes it’s baby kicking and sometimes it’s my ligaments holding my hammock-uterus. Either way there are sometimes shooting pains in the baby area which I’ve been told are totally normal.

Can we all just start a pregnancy memes site about what it’s actually like to be pregnant and not just teen mom and teen prego scares? Let’s get on that.

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